I'm not one to usually make resolutions in January. I usually make them in June to coincide with my birthday, or September because I've never (and probably will never) fully let go of being a student or a teacher, or when I fall into sin and get convicted, or if something's going on in my life that causes me to sit back and think. And then there's now, now being when the last two are happening simultaneously.
Let's start with the latter, which is actually split into two parts...
Part one: in November, Max was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. An overwhelming roller coaster ride is probably the best way to describe all of the emotions that go along with that; fear for his spiritual success in life, anger at certain circumstances, happiness for this unique gift (because I do believe in silver linings; and you can ask me about my diabetes being a gift sometime), relief at having an answer, grateful for God's provision of one of the top school districts in the state and of a Christian neuropsychologist who specializes in children. So we are moving forward, God is good, and there's not much more we can do than that.
Part two: my sister Patty's health... in February 1998, she started her battle with cancer. Since then, she's had it 3 more times and has had 5 surgeries. Now we are looking at cancer #5 and surgery #6 and she is in good spirits; she says she knows she'll make it through again and will fight it however she needs to, to make it to Max's high school graduation (which is still almost 10 years away) and to see her other nephew, Sammy, grow up to tell her she's his favorite aunt, like Max used to (Sammy's currently 8 months and says "ma-ma-ma" so that's at least another 2-3 years away as well). I don't know how she does it. If I were her, I think I'd have told God to take me home or take the cancer away for good; stop screwing around with me. Then again, I never seem to learn the lesson that God doesn't need my advice on how to run the world, so He has to keep reminding me.
Which brings us to the sin issues. Aye aye aye. Selfishness, fight for control rather than relinquishing control to God, deceit (both telling lies and believing them), cutting myself off from God and those He's given me rather than being communal, trying to shut my mind off; these are just a few of Satan's favorite fiery toys to give me to play with. And unfortunately, I have not been doing a great job at dodging them or throwing them back to him, but rather wholeheartedly catch them and then wonder why my hands are burnt.
So, with that in mind, I am clinging to 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if Veronica is in Christ, she is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" I used to think that means, once you're saved, the Holy Spirit is prominent over the sin nature, and that was that. I still believe that, of course, but I don't think it's a one-time deal (not to say I think people get saved over and over) rather, I believe I'm more more like a perennial flower that blossoms multiple times, rather than one that blooms only once (I am not a gardener, so I apologize if that metaphor doesn't work). This is reiterated to me in Romans 12:2 where God says "Veronica, do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will."
Hmm... maybe that's not the best verse for me... I don't know if He should be telling me I get to test and approve His will for me, when I've done such a shoddy job of accepting the cards I've been dealt, but on the other hand maybe that's what He wants me to do, accept it, and then He will give me the peace to also approve it.
So my resolutions are to remember I'm a new creation when temptation comes my way, and to be transformed by renewing my mind, which of course comes from obeying Philippians 4:8 "Finally, Veronica, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." That will probably be my biggest challenge: thinking of these things rather than second-guessing, being pessimistic, and shutting my mind off. There you go... have at it, dear readers.
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