Sex and Marriage

Sex is good. Marriage is good. God created them both, no? And God created men, too, and created (most of) them to be visually stimulated. Fine, good, I can live with that. I am not so naive to think that not taking care of myself is not going to have serious ramifications on my Christ-esteem (the way I esteem myself as a joint heir princess in God's kingdom), and therefore on my relationships with my family. And, if I were married, on my relationship with my husband.

BUT if I hear, one more time, a misogynistic remark from well-meaning folks (who are not always from the Christian perspective; my atheist neighbor seems to think the same way) about my single state, I will scream.

Here is my favorite of the lovely sentiments I have received in the last six years and why you should NEVER say it to the divorcee (or at least this divorcee).

"Don't worry... you're so pretty; you'll definitely get married again."
First of all, if that were true, then the world would not be full of single beauties or of stories of Ethan Hawke-types cheating on their Uma Thurman-wives! Second, just because I was married once doesn't mean I can't be happy again until I am remarried... there is a reason I got divorced, you know, even if it wasn't my choice at the time. Oh, and third, if you catch me on a negative day (certainly more opt to have happened closer to the break-up than six years later, but still could happen now and again), you'll have me wondering if my looks are all I have going for me; I must be a stupid, humorless wench if I don't have a boyfriend and I'm as pretty as everyone says I am (which I still have a hard time believing, anyway, based on 22 years of not being told it... maybe when I'm 44, I'll finally believe I'm attractive). Just like a young girl, my worth should be found in my abilities and personality, my goodness, kindness, godliness, sense of humor, intelligence, and the list goes on. Those crow's feet, on the other hand, are not retracting, but hopefully everything above is improving with age. I was raised to believe sex and attraction are important elements in marriage, but I can't believe people would actually think I can attract (and keep) a man based on my looks alone! Are they insane?

And my second favorite...

"I know this guy..."
Here's the thing. If I asked you, great. But if I didn't, you probably should not set me up because you probably are not intimate enough with me to know what I want. And no, I'm not TOO picky. I'm not. But I do know what I want, and if that means I don't get married again, that means I don't get married again. If he's not a Christian who's intelligent with a good job, I'm NOT interested (if he is, feel free to break this rule!). Why? Because I know myself and I need someone who can motivate me spiritually and intellectually, and I'm German, for goodness sake, so a lazy-donkey will drive me crazy.

So now you know. And you can do with it what you will.